Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
