let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
