She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
