someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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