Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
