Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
