So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
