I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
