JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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