how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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