Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize