Only a mothe r could love this liver
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
