just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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