I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
