i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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