my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
