the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
