I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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