Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
