Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize