I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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