all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
