When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
