I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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