***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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