Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
