you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
handjob tips. give me some.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
