Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize