Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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