Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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