we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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