there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
