I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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