hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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