Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
