and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
