Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
