I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
