I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
