Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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