I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize