I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize