My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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