He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
