Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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