I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
