Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
