You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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