I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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