My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He passed out mid-signature
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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