god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And then he peed in my hair
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