That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am mentally ready for anal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
