Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
