we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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