I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
