Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
