What did we do last night that was yellow?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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