I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
