woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
