dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
