Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
