Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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