Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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