If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
