Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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