I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
