I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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