just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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