Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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