dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
