Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
